sometimes life can be such a bitch.
such a bitch. life has been hell these days.
really hell. something like a cross between getting tortured and near death kinda feeling.
wow. sounds great? nope.
one moment there's tears. and one moment theres smiles. then fear.
then short lived happiness then fear. then alot of other feelings.
i failed it again due to my friggin carelessness. shitty.
i know i shldn have made those mistakes. i reali kicked myself in the ass of that.
i so let myself down. shit.
that feeling sucks i tell u. it reali sucks..
with all that effort i put in.
it sucks.
sighs. mayb i wasnt reali cut out for the book stuff.
but if im not cut out book stuff, then what am i cut out for?
*amelia, get a real life,do something worthwhlile*
but... dammit. i thought it was gettin better. but i thought wrong. really wrong.
i think im such a emotional wreck.
i didn cry so easily in the past. my heart was colder than ice. harder then stone.
now. tears flow out from the ducts so uncontrollably and my heart aches as if someone really destroyed it.
darns. what have i become??
sometimes i jus sit and wonder.
what am i? what am i supposed to be. what am i good at?
why cant i get the things i want in life though i work so hard for them?
i sound like the untimate loser.
with a capital "L" in this case.
hais. i wana make things better but they jus get worse.
so. what am i gg to do? nothing works for me anymore.
i think im just smilimg for the sake of smiling and laughing for the sake of laughing.
so no one will see thru how i actually am feeling.
i guess im jus insecure?
or? i duno.
i stil haven figured that out.
but i just know that the feeling just sucks.
reali sucks.
when ppl ask me *are u alright*
im like *ya, im fine tks.*
the std answer. its so automatic, like those doors at the entrance of a shoppin centre.
if theres a god. why dosent he help me.
i thought we had it all planned?
all until u screwed my life god. *YOU*
haha. im crazy. im drunk.
drunk from all the problems i've drowned in my self.
hav u ever watched those kungfu show.
when they practice a certain skill wrongly, and in the end, the have too much internal energy?
and cant handle it? they go crazy.
i think im absorbing everything like the internal energy. i cant do anythign but wait to go insane.
haha.
yupp.
im such a goner.leave me to die.
d.e.p.r.e.s.s.e.d.
⥠you and i both loved
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